Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
