I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
