the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
