My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
