I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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