are you so shy because you have an std?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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