I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
