you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
