I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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