My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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