i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
