so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You're earring is so big in my mouth
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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