I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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