Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
