soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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