you guys were way drunker than both of me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
