I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
