currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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