the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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