Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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