Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
