90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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