you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
