I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
