Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
