Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
