So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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