sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
