so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
