My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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