you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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