the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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