Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm too high and old for this...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
