I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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