There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
