Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
