I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
