If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
