I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
