im about as happy as oj after his trial
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
