STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
