I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
