what day is it and did you see me today?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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