I smell stomach acid.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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