nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
