wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
