Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
