so that wasnt chicken after all
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i now understand why vodka
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
