I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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