3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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