i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Randomize
