We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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