good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
