there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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