I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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