4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
