Plan B is the new Plan A
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize