I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
