butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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