then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
