Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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