I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
