I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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