that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
