spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
