now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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