I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
