I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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