so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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