i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
