once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's never too late to be topless.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
