Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
