Is it because I queefed?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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