Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
