Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
